And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
