I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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