would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
