What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
