he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
