Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
