It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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