the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
