wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
