I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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