I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
