the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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