everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
