Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
