Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
