I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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