Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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