You can't special order awesome
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
