At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
