Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize