Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
