So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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