Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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