Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
