At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
