I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
