She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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