I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
