whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
