If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
