I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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