She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize