Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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