Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found a bag of teeth...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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