Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
