So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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