do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
