I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
