Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
