Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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