Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
