I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
