I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
