sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize