I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
