I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
