Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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