before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
