I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
