She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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