My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
