Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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