hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
