All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
