He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
