Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hippo gnu deer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
