Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
