wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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