i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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