I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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