So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
