Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Acid is not a monday night drug
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
