JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
