you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
