I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
