On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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